His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
