Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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