when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My pussy is not your playground.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
