they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My balls are so social today.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
