Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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