that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
