and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
