I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
