So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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