Plan B is the new Plan A
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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