how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize