I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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