make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
