In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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