I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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