so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
