i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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