I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
