if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
