I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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