I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
