He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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