I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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