At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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