Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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