I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
