so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
