i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
