I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
