Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my poor anus
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
