I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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