how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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