I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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