Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
