Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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