I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
