Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
