Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This toilet bowl is my home.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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