at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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