I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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