dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found the puke drawer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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