i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
