sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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