Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
