You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
