That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
