it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
