Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
