you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize