I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
