PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
