There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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