Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
