alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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