Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize