He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
