can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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