God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize