I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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