She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
