So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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