So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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