They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
