it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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