I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
