i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
