But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
