I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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