Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
