I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
