I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
