yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize