Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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