I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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