I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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