I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
