I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
