I wish I could teleport
Umm I'm too high to move.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
