haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
