totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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