don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
