ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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