I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
