R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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