Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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