those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just found a bag of teeth...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
