Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He? As in you personified your dick?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
