After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
