I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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