I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
zippers are such a cool invention
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
false alarm, still single
Randomize