I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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