Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize