The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
