she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
