1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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