we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
