I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
