It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this just has baby written all over it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
