My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
