New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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