Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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