dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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