if only i could text you this smell
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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