Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
