What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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