Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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