Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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