I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize